It’s no exaggeration: the crisis of adolescence truly exists, experts talk a lot about this problem we all face at least once in life. Same true is this fact too: with a teenager you can communicate seldom, if he allows it, or if you have special training.
We all remember that time in our children’s lives, also remember how difficult it was even for ourselves crossing those preteen and teen years. Sure, the now adult sees differently adolescent problems once, and even can’t explain any conditions or behavior they had. It can happen even to minimize those problems, to see it in other dimensions, not understanding why this or that triggered tragedy, why the teenager thought has so many problems… “Well, thinking adult, see what problems you have now!”
Yes, your teen has no way of knowing that the real problems of life you encounter in maturity, then it can happen to know the extent of the tragedy and despair. No, the teenager doesn’t know these things; He sincerely believes that what’s happening to itself is unparalleled, that everything is irrevocably, that its sufferings have no end and no cure.
The failure to establish a dialogue with a teenager lies in the particular type of problems he faces. If the adult who tries to talk to him doesn’t knows nor understands them and not perceive their true value, then this attempt is doomed to failure from the start. The cause of this crisis that the teenager goes through are physical changes, emotional and mental marking this period.
The adolescent isn’t recognize itself, is shocked and disturbed by a cruel reality: the child is gone and took place a new person, with different appearance, feelings and interests. Physical changes due to puberty are the most obvious; but occur, of course, other emotional changes , behavioral and mental.
Appear interests related to sexual life, relationship with the adult world become complicated, because the teenager begins to judge the adult , refuses their help and considered himself an incomprehensible and a victim.
All these phenomena causes the teen to interrupt communication with adults; first break the relations with parents, dissolve physical and mental ties that existed until then, isolates and prefers the company of peers.
Parents are no longer a model for him, distances itself from them, weigh with severity their actions and words, condemns them without appeal in case of mistakes. The dialogue, known, it is impossible in this situation.
The teenager not only isolate and doesn’t communicate, but also manifest rebellion against the adult world whose values he contest; can also install, boredom, refusal to engage both in school and in the family or social. Depression, anxiety and extreme activities or attempte to suicide sometimes occur.
The teenager can show violence, often verbal, can prove extravagance and excess of clothing originality or behavioral. It is the time when they feel they can define their identity through certain physical body “marks” : tattoos, earrings in their ears, nose, etc., when experiencing new and exciting activities, such as alcohol or drugs, extreme sports, speed fascination.
In a bid to break the parental authority and to prove the independence, some try to run away from home to live on their own. All these manifestations of adolescents should be treated with maturity and responsibility by adults, sometimes with the help of therapy and trigger dialogue to resolve the crisis.
It is quite obvious that adults – parents, teachers, friends and acquaintances – must take note of all these changes adolescent goes through. These processes of change must be known and accepted and assumed by adults, if desired the overcome of this crisis without major repercussions on the adolescent psyche.
And especially if desired and the finding and practice a way to communicate with the adolescent, the adult is the one who must take the first step and to model the behavior to achieve the wanted success.
Besides the obvious problems that are due to the crisis of adolescence, there are mistakes that adults can make to block the communication?
Sure, unfortunately, there are mistakes that parents usually make, of those close to teens, causing them to refuse the dialogue. Misunderstanding or non-acceptance of adolescent problems as real communication can block or even cancel the communication.
“Stop fooling around”, “Why are you acting like this?”, “Why don’t you talk?” “Stay in your room all day and….” or “You spend all the time with … and you don’t spend at all time home”; these are reproaches that does not encourage the adolescent to talk. On the contrary, feels the disapproval and lack of availability in the act of support during this difficult time.
A common mistake made by families in which are teens is to ridicule the changes incurred by their child. An incomprehensible attitude and condemned, but meets, however, often when parents are not informed about how dangerous is such an approach of the situation.
Physical changes the teenager goes through become a source of amusement for some family members or relatives and acquaintances, and its isolation is the only way to counter these “attacks” next to rebellion and defiance of parental authority. “You became so long… ” “This kid eats more than me”, “A lot of pimples on your face, do something to make them go”… and many other comments like that can hurt the teen and can remove him from loved ones.
To see that you provoke laugh because you started a sentence with thicker voice and suddenly you voice betrays you and talk pitched, it is not pleasant; it can determine to not ever talk to that person again or to keep aversion a long time.
There are also cases in which the adolescent feels excluded, removed from family life and then justifiably refuses communication. The two parents, seeing their child already a young man that can handle its problems, change their attitude towards him; no longer given the same attention as in childhood, getting closer to each other, excluding him too early from this environment that he still needs.
Sure, the two will ultimately be alone when their child will go, but not they have to give the signal of this separation, things shouldn’t hasty nor influenced in this sense.
The effort to communicate with your teen, even if it’s hard to be taken, can solve many problems before they take a bad turn. And most importantly, give him the assurance that he doesn’t go through these trials alone, that enjoys full emotional and material support of those close; adolescence crisis must be overcome and that time must be weighed as one with pretty memories, unique and defining our personality.
